Tuning your Romantic Relationship.

Tuning Relationship – The Psychology of Healthy Bonds

Have you ever felt the need to fine tune your intimate relationships? Did you feel that though your partner loves you, still the emotional connection appears missing? If yes, then do not sulk because you are not the only one experiencing it. These situations are pretty common with many of us. A pertinent question that arises is why do we need to tune our close and intimate bonds? The answer will vary for all of us.

There is a misconception that healthy relationships are devoid of fights and squabbling. But it is not so always. All relationships have ups and downs, disagreements. Every bond needs to be maintained and groomed from time to time to make it more free flowing and keep the charm alive.

If we think of the various ways we relate with others; we will see that relationships are all blend of words, feelings, body language, emotional quality, and non-verbal gestures that are fine-tuned or mix matched together to let things going in a perfect way.

Tuning relationships with your closed ones are not always that easy as it sounds. It requires effort and patience to share the myriad moments of togetherness and happiness with one another in our daily lives.

Science backs tuning Adult Relationships

The psychological concepts of healthy relationships are based on attachment theory. The theory claims that the emotional attachment that grew between you and your primary care giver; say your mother was the first interactive bond of your life. This intense bonding, if safe, then determines the ways you relate to other people throughout your life.

Attachment theory supports tuning adult relationships through nurturing, supporting, and validating each other’s feelings. Scientific study of the brain claims that attachment plays a vital role in developing healthy adult bonds. It explains why a vast number of people find it difficult to communicate and bond with significant individuals in their love and work life.

What do Tuning relationships mean?

As humans, we are vulnerable to react when feeling threatened. There is a tendency to quickly jump into conclusions without any thoughtful consideration of the situation. If the relationship appears unsafe emotionally, you either defend your ego or shutdown the bond completely; just to retain emotional wellness. Here comes the role of tuning ourselves and the relationships we are in.

When you tune your relationships with spouse, children, and parents, you become more present and start living in your moments. Your breath is calm and emotions are well regulated. You become open-minded, approachable and can operate from an inner space of happiness and tranquility. On the other hand, if your relationships are not fine-tuned, they appear tense, avoidant, defensive, and impatient, easily catching up avoidable storms.

Finely tuned relationships are intimate, well connected, empathetic, and insightful. There is no place for sorrow, misunderstandings, and separation. Tuning relationships fosters happiness, trust and recalibrate you to a more conscious way of dealing with life’s problems. It helps to maintain healthy bonds with grace and ease.

Characteristics of Finely tuned relationships:

·   Partners engage in spoken and unspoken dialogues through words and gestures. Lots of interpersonal communication seems to be in place.

      ·       Empathy is the buzzword in such relationships.

      ·       Mutual respect and healthy exchange of ideas in a psychologically safe space of mind.

      ·       There is enough room for individuality, yet the relationship is mutual and cohesive.

      ·       Tuned relationships are honest, cooperative, and trustworthy. No blame game takes place between partners.

     ·       In these relationships, conflicts are handled with maturity and transparency; through negotiations and not by threat or force.

      ·       Partners know how to forgive each other for their individual mistakes.

Love and companionship are a constant process of tuning and connecting the missing chords to facilitate deeper bonding. It ensures striking the correct pitch of symphony for love and mutual affection. 

How can you ‘fine tune’ your relationships?

In their famous e-book, “Marriage Strings – Tuning your relationship to last a lifetime”, Dr. Jones Lukose and Dr. Beatrice Lukose highlighted how you and your partner can fine tune relationship issues and can live a healthy, happy, and fulfilled life.

We would all agree that the best of bonds, however small or big need maintenance and grooming from time to time; only then it would bloom to become more beautiful and fulfilling in due course of time. The little disagreements can be managed by tuning.

Ways to ‘fine tune’ your relationships:

   1. Mutual cooperation – Fine tune your bond by working together towards a common goal. It ensures being loved, valued, and respected by each other.

2. Handle fights with maturity – Fights are common in couple relationships. You just need to resolve issues with maturity. When indifference sets in, do not ignore it, so that it doesn’t go to a point of no return.

3. Keep the flame of love life alive – Healthy relationships need tuning so that everything goes smoothly. Spend quality time to create a sense of intimacy. This allows the relation to grow. Drop in a loving text or let them know that you were thinking about them.

4. Be grateful – Appreciate each other’s contribution and be grateful for whatever you have. This fine tunes the relationship and reminds you the reasons of why you are with your partner?

5. Open communication – This is the hallmark of a well-tuned relationship. You can discuss issues and family concerns and share ideas with each other. It impacts the relationship in positive ways.

6. React less and respond more – This is the best way to tune relationships. Couple relationships can be fragile, and need patience and commitment to build it strong and let it go steady. Manage your emotional distress and try to avoid reacting to daily situations, instead respond. Controlling anger and negative emotions, goes a long way in developing a positive mindset.


Tuning your intimate relationships need practice and patience. Nurturing a relationship with empathy, kindness, and mindfulness gives you an inner touch of peace and fulfillment.

You can become a conscious partner by regulating your complex emotions in a better way. So next time you find your relationship in a pitfall, consider tuning it with care and comfort.