So you probably are reading this because of a relationship problem that you are going through or maybe you want to help someone out. Whatever it is, this article will highlight some very primal yet effective ways to build up a stronger mindset after a bad relationship.
Let me be a bit more frank! And admit that you won’t find a magic wand like solution but I can vouch that it will help you to emerge out with a Strong Head. As you practice these simple yet no nonsense tips, you’ll feel better. And remember "PATIENCE" is the key.
Now to begin with, I understand that an unfulfilling relationship is a tough thing to talk about. You are already upset and on top of that the fear of submerging in a pool of distressing emotions anytime (that’s daunting); And then that persistent and strange hollow feeling! You surely don’t want to stay this way any longer and if this is the case please continue reading.
So how do we BEGIN?
1. JUST BE:
Well the first thing you should do immediately after a break up is “Just Be”. Yes, you have to go with the flow. Why? Because after a heart break, a response follows: To cry and feel upset. This is the first natural response and it’s advisable not to withhold how you feel at the very onset. Let the crying run its normal course (yes, you read it right!). Cry for a day, that’s good enough (But I said only a day, okay not more than two).
2. EMBRACE AND ACCEPT:
Now realise that being in a waist deep pool of tears is leading you no where. Don’t be like stagnant water, it can become poisonous. Instead embrace and accept the events. Simply accept all that happened and how it happened and for whatever reasons it happened, without getting into the trap of why, how, what if? And then simply affirm to “Move On.” Yes, I said “Simply”. Please, try your best not to complicate this “Simply”.
3. STOP ACTING LIKE A KID:
At this stage, many act like kids or worst, by blocking the other person’s phone number, blocking them from every other possible place. Or hurling good amount of finely chosen words (called abuses), and what not. Ah! Please this is not the solution and in fact it will cause you more embarrassment later (trust me!). You are making that person the centre of the Universe for you and that should not be the case. This is all in your head. So stop giving so much importance to that person by not investing your mental and physical energy into thinking about him/her. By doing so you make a wiser choice.
4. GET HOLD OF YOURSELF AND YOUR THOUGHTS:
By now your tear bank must be exhausted, you want to cry but where are tears? Then the mind gets busy with a big stack of questions as to why it all came to this end? Maybe you can get some answers but surely not all. So don’t exhaust yourself in this quest of seeking answers and running and re-running in your mind as to what you did and said and what your partner did and said (Believe me it’s exhausting). So save the limited energy you’ve got. Well! Now you will ask for whom? Well! I will answer for “Yourself”.
The minute you get trapped in this vicious cycle of questions, just pause (say Stop) and try to get hold of yourself and your thoughts. Make it just as clear that by running and re-running things in your head, things won’t become as they used to be and most importantly you won’t feel better this way.
5. GET BACK TO YOUR ROUTINE:
You may be having the “low” feeling and loosing track of time and things. You don’t feel like doing anything...just lie on your bed, weep, then sleep and then get up and weep again. Now this is the time to by all means push...drag...lift yourself to get back to a routine. Believe me! It works wonders. Just try and get back to your normal routine as quickly as you can. Make a ‘To-do-list’ and make it a point to strike off each thing accomplished from the list. Feel happy when you do so, feel like a king. Remember it is all about where you pay your attention to. If you get busy, you will shift your attention from the unproductive emotional distress to a productive mindset. Things around you might not change but by setting a routine and getting busy, you choose not to pay attention to the unproductive things (And a great choice you make!)
6. GET BUSY:
If you simply get busy in activities, be it work, games, work-out, friends, pampering yourself, etc. believe me you would feel better because your mind is busy in attending to some other things and the negative event or feeling that you are carrying with you will be somewhere in the backdrop. While you focus on the more positive aspects of your life, the unpleasant memories are thrown into the backdrop and they gradually fade away (At this moment, pat yourself and say Wow! I did it).
So to conclude, as you see it’s all about shifting your Focus. Whether you choose to focus on your Past or your Future. And why do you want to focus on your past when you are not going that way??
The key is in shifting your Focus. Whether you choose to focus on your Past or your Future. And why do you want to focus on your past when you are not going that way??
Have more tips on coping with a breakup? Please share in the comments.