I'm in a relationship with a person who hurted me a lot in past,but he loves me now and he changed a lot for me.But the problem is I'm unable forget the past hurtings which he done to me and l'm unable to feel the love which he shows me now.But I love him a lot.How can I forget the past.Pls tell me I want to be happy with him?
Last Updated: 12/12/2018 at 09:13PM
Top Rated Answers
Sep 07th, 2018 01:35AM
You need to talk to him about this and see what he has to say. If he is sorry for his past behavior then you need to forgive him and understand that he loves you. But if you are not able to forget his past behavior and also not able to love him then you need to figure out what exactly you want. You need to know that you should be with a person who respects you and loves you as well.
Sep 07th, 2018 08:12AM
Hello! Thank you for posting your question. From what you’ve said, it sounds like you have been through a lot with this person. You say that he has changed a lot from what he was like in the past. But chances are- and this is something you may not have considered - you have changed too. Specifically, you say that you are unable to feel the love that he shows you now but that you still love him. It is important to recognise that there are different kinds of love and you may still love him but not in a romantic way. You may have loved him romantically in the past but maybe consider the possibility that your love for him has taken a different form? You also say you want to be happy with him. I would like you think about this question - Does your happiness depend on being in a romantic relationship with him or can you be friends with him and still be happy with him? Furthermore, you say it’s difficult for you to forget the hurt he has caused you in the past. It is completely normal for you to be feeling this way. The way people work is that they use past experiences to make judgments about current situations. This is a form of learning known as experiential learning. If your answer to the question I asked above is that you need to be in a romantic relationship with him to feel happy, then it becomes important to work on why you are unable to forget the past. What specifically did he do that caused you so much hurt? Is there a way you can communicate what you are feeling, with him now? Have you been able to forgive him for what he has done? Do you feel like you can move on and let go of the past given that you say he is a changed person now? These become important questions to think about if you want to be happy with this person in a romantic relationship. Hope this has answered your query!
Sep 08th, 2018 11:05AM
Anita Eliza ( PGDIC)
Hi! Ask yourself the following questions: 1. Did he genuinely regret his behavior? 2. If yes, why can't you believe him now? 3. Can you give him a chance again? 4. If you need time to evaluate your present feelings for him, then can you communicate that to him? Understand that we all make mistakes and hurt the ones we love too. That doesn't mean it's the end of the relationship. Maybe you can give him a chance and believe him when he has mentioned that he is sorry. But for that, you will have to go with a clear mind and not with the baggage of what he has done. It will make it difficult for him too. If he is sincere it will show. If you feel that you need to talk about this, please consult a counselor and discuss your doubts. Ultimately it is your decision that matters after considering all aspects.
Sep 07th, 2018 05:33PM
Sit down and have a heart to heart with yourself. Even if you have uncomfortable feelings, let them flow. Just jot them down on paper if you like. Don't judge yourself for not loving/loving him. Follow whatever YOU truly want to do. If you need someone to talk you through this, please do book a session with one of the counsellors here and all of us will be happy to help you.
Dec 12th, 2018 09:13PM
It sounds like you're struggling to forgive. You can never really forget how someone has made you feel, but it's about recognising that we're all human and do make hurtful mistakes along the way in life. If you're struggling to forgive, a therapist can help you find out why this may be. And can help you to overcome it.